Talking to Shadows
by chris-daae
Summary: Based on a prompt from tumblr: "I talk to the shadows hoping you might be listening." For reasons he can't understand, Raoul keeps coming back to the place where it all ended.


_"I talk to the shadows hoping you might be listening."_

The place seemed worse every time Raoul went there. With no one to take care of it, there were spider webs on the broken furniture, humidity eating away the papers and wood, rats walking all over everything.

He sometimes regretted not fixing some of it when he had the chance, when the destruction was still fresh. It was too late now. But Raoul could not bring himself to touch it, not now and not then. It felt wrong, to touch what once belonged to _him_ , and Raoul would not admit out loud but part of him still feared. Though in his mind he knew even then that the Phantom would never come back, he still could almost hear his powerful voice raging if he touched any of his possessions.

Not that there was much left. After that fateful night, the last time that Raoul saw him, the mob had arrived at the lair and destroyed everything. It was all ruined when he visited the place again the next day, by Christine's request. It was funny, that Raoul had only bad memories of the place, but still felt sad by the view.

He knew the Phantom would not be there, but Christine insisted, and he did not want her going down there again. It took some convincing, but in the end Raoul went alone. He knew the Phantom would be gone, because he would never have the complete power he used to have over the opera after that fateful night. But most of all, he had seen the look in his eyes after Christine kissed him, the look of someone who had his whole world shaken so fast that he could not keep up. Raoul had no rational reason to trust that his change of heart was real, but he saw his eyes, and when the rope around his neck was cut he knew that nor him nor Christine would ever see that strange man again.

He was right.

But why did he come back, again and again, if he knew the Phantom would not be there, and if he did not touch any of the things he left behind? Not even Raoul knew the answer to that. After Christine got sick, it started being painful to stay at home, to see the woman he loved suffering. One day he took a night walk and his feet remembered the way back underground. He saw himself sitting on the floor, listening to the faint sound of the lake, and speaking. He started telling of his day, of the words the doctor said that didn't leave his mind, and when he realized he was sobbing. The next times were more peaceful, and somehow that abandoned and destroyed room that was once the home of a lonely and strange man offered him a sort of comfort.

"Our daughter started reading." He told, looking at nowhere in particular. "Léone is so intelligent. You would like her. She makes me and Christine very proud."

Was he really talking to nothing, telling of his family, and imagining his past enemy there listening? Raoul did not even gave it thought anymore. It was a routine.

"I think Christine got some color lately. She says she still feels too weak to get up from bed but this time I really think she is getting better."

A tear fell.

"What does that doctor know anyway? Doctors make mistakes all the time. I know Christine will get better."

He rested his head against the wall.

"She will." He mumbled. "You should come by some day. I'm sure she would appreciate it. She doesn't want to tell me but I know she misses you. She misses the music, too."

It was not always so calm. Sometimes Raoul screamed, shouted so loud that he feared someone up there would hear.

"It is all your fault! If you had never entered our lives, we would now be happy, and Christine would not be ill!"

It was a irrational, Raoul knew it. It was no one's fault that Christine was ill. Still, blaming it on _him_ offered a little relief too.

"She's leaving me." He whispered one day. "She's leaving and I can't do anything. I will lose her."

He had no tears left. A part of his heart had already died long ago. It was a matter of time until the rest left too.

"I never even learned your name." He laughed a humorless laugh. "You changed our lives so much and I don't even know anything about you.

Does she know? I could never ask her, you know. We never talk of you. It's somewhat of a taboo."

A sigh.

"She hoped to meet you one last time. That's why I came back. For her sake."

In truth, Raoul did not feel that he could live much more than Christine. He too was getting weaker everyday. Léone was the only thing that made him hold on to life.

"For my sake too." He confessed. "I hoped I could see you again. You left so many questions unanswered. Just one last time."

Raoul stood up, deciding to go away. That was probably the last time he would go down there.

"Are you even alive? Did you manage to escape in safety?" He asked in a loud voice. "Or are you already gone? Will you outlive us?"

He felt a shiver. With a last sigh, he said the last word, the last he would ever direct to the Phantom.

"Goodbye."


End file.
